Domestic Disturbances and Hospital Needles

Thailand, January 19, 2010

The white devil has turned Phi Phi island into a proper rat hole. The island was majestic enough to film "The Beach" with Leo DiCaprio. But the word got out, and is now overtaken by drunk white frat guys gulping down red bull vodka out of buckets. Vanessa (gf at the time) and I head to Krabi, a small poor coastal town. We stumble upon a bar with some Thai musicians covering American rock n' roll. We find out that the band for the night makes 3,000 baht ($90) split 5 ways. They are also under contract exclusive contract with the bar to play no where else. Thailand is not the place for aspiring musicians.

We try to catch up on some sleep, but become awoken in the night when a British couple next door goes into a domestic disturbance rage (beyond anything I saw in the Vince Vaughn/John Travolta film). The fight goes as follows (in British accents)...

Woman:  Give me the god damn key Hector! Hector:  no. (Scuffle with loud screams and thuds) Woman:  Now look what you've done! You have a bloody nose! (Hector crying, more scuffling and the loudest screaming i've ever heard) Woman:  You turned me into a physco!!!!! You knocked out my tooth and I forgave you! You make me want to kill myself! Get out of my life!

-END SCENE-

After the domestic, I awake in the morning to a pounding headache, chills, and body aches. I decide to ride it out, but do not improve after 2 days. We go to the hospital, a small Muslim medical building in little Krabi town. No one speaks English. Arabic pours out of the loudspeakers around the hospital yard.

I see the doctor who looks like an Asian Fred Savage. I explain my symptoms. He explains in broken english that may I have "Linky Fever", a DEADLY mosquito transmitted disease. He barely speaks English and the only words he seems to know are "Disease", "Permanent", and "dead"...

Doc: "You have symptom Linky Fever. It make you dead." (He looks terrified when he speaks)

I freak. My eyes roll back in my head and I pass out from dehydration. They take me backstage to the lab where chicks in shalls are pouring blood into vials, I immediately think of Val Kilmer in "Island of Dr. Moroeu", where Kilmer breeds humans with hyenias for Marlon Brando's twisted viewing pleasure. I get some blood work done. They keep me overnight and give me strange medicines, which I decide to take, giving me bizarre vivid dreams, unlike anything i've experienced. Dreams such as....

I'm bar hopping with Danny DeVito, having great time until he gets hit by a mountain bike crossing the road & explodes, END OF DREAM.

We check out in the morning after I feel a bit better and my blood work shows no deadly disease. We get to a hotel. I continue to feel weak and headachy for days (symptoms like Mono). We fly to Bangkok and go to the best hospital in Thailand where they draw more blood and determine I do not have linky fever, denge fever, or AIDS, just a giant case of being a pussy. Turns out I have a nasty viral infection/flu.

So after 7 wasted days, I am attempting to shake off this curse and make it to Cambodia with Vanessa. She has spent her whole trip taking care of me in hospitals and hotels. I am in great debt to her. We'll salvage these last few days and hope the fun-meter explodes.

The Dirty South and More!

Thailand - January 2010

I departed the Northern Thailand to meet up with my girlfriend Vanessa in Phuket, Southern Thailand. Pretty excited to get some company on the trip after traveling solo. She is a beach enthusiast and thrilled to head for the sand. I point out she is whiter than me. We hit the beach and she is soon more tan than my pasty-ass after 3 hours on the beach. A Thai passerby asks me if i'm Irish...grrrr...She passes for a Thai resident and gets a discount at the Zoo.

The theme down here is white people getting drunk. Our neighborhood in Phuket was like a crappier version of Cancun. Trinket town shops packed with in-your-face salesmen selling pseudo Rolex. The entertainment in Southern Thailand is pretty funny. It includes entry-level Thai men singing Elvis songs over a loop track with Christmas lights lining their Flock-O-Seagulls keyboard.

On the plus side, the beaches are the most stunning on the globe. Phi Phi, the first island we went to featured beaches showcased in the Hollywood film, "The Beach", in which super-stud teen heartthrob Leo DiCaprio sets out to find the world’s perfect sandbox. The weather is perfecto and the setting has certainly tapped into our optical pleasure.

We climb a mountain to our bungalow in Phi Phi. A strange British chap named Phil checks us in. Phil looks like Frodo from the Trilogy, plus barbed wire tattoos and a Chang beer belly. Phildo Baggins takes us to our room, which is equipped with the following features...

- Three (3) pubes on the toilet seat - One (1) terd in toilet - Six (6) to eight (8) stains on the sheet from various varieties of substance. (We pretend it is puke and pray it is not rocket sauce.)

We deal with it and go out for the night. The tiny streets are packed with garbage and euro B.O. One bar features a boxing ring with "Beat up your friend night" for a free round of drinks.

The calling card drink here is a "BUCKET". The bucket consists of a bottle of cheap Thai whiskey, Coke, and Red Bull, which tastes like a Bull's red ass hole. The bar mangers feed young foreigners this stuff and pay them $9/night to promote their bar. We talked to one 21 year old British promoter named Lewis, who was riding high on party performance enhancers and completely content with getting drunk by himself, as long as he gets drunk for free. Still Jet-lagged, we head in early, impressed by the BAC of the Spring-Break party below. Phildo Baggins recommends we sleep with the lights on to keep bugs out. Does this make sense? We exploit Phil’s intelligence and convince him to refund our coin for the second night. We check out early after sleeping one night in PukePoint Bungalows, and head to the coast, Krabi Town.

Video Premiere: "DIRT" on Rolling Stone ZA

Read the write up here: http://www.rollingstone.co.za/musicrev/item/3086-video-premiere-brett-newski-s-dirt

"Get a Real Job" Tour with Pete Donnelly of The Figgs

American Folk Armageddon is here.

The new record has landed on American soil. It's been years in the making; walking, motorbiking, busing across foreign territory writing these tunes. Thank you to all have helped me on the road: The record is available on CD here or DIGITAL here. See you on the long n lonesome road :) (vinyl coming soon)

"Vs the World" Video Shoot

Last month, Sweet Chucky B and I got together in Cedar Rapids, IA for a video shoot for "Vs the World". Chucky B was a champ as always and got in the zone. He punched me in the face and let me spit fake blood across the Von Presley Studio basement. Sweet Chucky B travels the world and has absurd road rage battles on the streets of Vietnam sometimes. I recommend his blog. 

east side music tour this saturday

Gearing up for a homecoming show this Saturday in Milwaukee. The band and I will be at the Up and Under Pub at 11pm as part of the Good Land Records showcase. Tickets Here.  Get 3 songs from the upcoming LP free here. 

American Folk Armageddon out May 13 on Good Land Records

Pleased to announce the quality people at Goodland Records will be releasing the new record May 13 in the USA. It's an honor and I'm very thankful to have some loyal musical buddies after self-releasing music for so long. Get 3 free tracks here.

"Colder than Shite!" Winter Tour Starts Wednesday

At last, the "Colder Than Sh**!" Winter Tour begins Wednesday in frigid Iowa. There are heaps of tour stops so check out the TOUR DATES page and we'll link up in your town. Facebook will be updated frequently with the weird sights and sounds on the road to el dorado. New advance CD's and shirts will be punted at the shows. Alrighty, be well and please stick to your guns. See you now :)  

Swiss Tour Trucks thru March.

Winter Tour announced. usa and europe.

Jan 29 - Rock Island, IL Jan 30 - Ames, IA

Feb 1 - Cedar Rapids, IA

Feb 4 - Chicago, IL

Feb 5 - South Bend, IN

Feb 6 - Kalamazoo, MI

Feb 7 - Grand Rapids, MI

Feb 8 - Detroit, MI

Feb 9 - Flint, MI

Feb 12 - Columbus, OH

Feb 13 - Dayton, OH

Feb 14 - Louisville, KY

Feb 15 - Cincinnati, OH

Feb 16 - Indianapolis, IN

Feb 17 - Champaign, IL

Feb 19 - Marion, IL

Feb 20 - Kansas City, MO

Feb 21 - Steven's Point, WI

Feb 22 - Fox Valley, WI

Feb 23 - Sheboygan, WI

Feb 28 - Madison, WI

March 1 - Milwaukee, WI