One Man Garage Band Tour Dates Announced!

It's officially happening! This experiment in alternative venue culture has gotten great response so far, so thank you all. My manager Danimal and I will be turning friends/fans garages into makeshift music venues this summer. It's going to be classic summertime BYOB with rock n' roll in the garage, just like the greatest film ever "That Thing You Do". Bring friends, beers and snack attacks for an evening of DIY glory under the setting sun. Tickets will be limited to 50-60, so do rsvp at the ticket link below if you're keen. We are very excited about this concept and aim to make it an annual summertime event. Shows will start pretty early, generally doors at 6:00 and show at 6:30, wrapping up by 8:30 (sunday shows start earlier).

Jun 17 | One Man Garage Band Tour | Tickets | Appleton, WI Jul 9 | One Man Garage Band Tour | Tickets | Madison, WI Jul 22 | One Man Garage Band Tour | Tickets | Minneapolis, MN Jul 23 | One Man Garage Band Tour | Tickets | Chippewa Falls, WI Jul 24 | One Man Garage Band Tour | Tickets | Sturgeon Bay, WI Aug 12 | One Man Garage Band Tour | Tickets | Milwaukee, WI Aug 13 | One Man Garage Band Tour | Tickets | Muscatine, IA Aug 14 | One Man Garage Band Tour | Tickets | Cedar Falls, IA

*all garage shows are $10-20 at the door if tickets not purchased in adv.

FESTIVAL/OTHER DATES Jun 18 | Jersey St Festival | Horicon, WI Jun 24 | Freeport Concert Series w/ Freedy Johnston | Pt Washington, WI Jun 25 | Summer Soulstice Festival | Milwaukee, WI Jul 16 | Bastille Days Festival | Milwaukee, WI Jul 21 | TBA | Eau Claire, WI Jul 20 | The Shitty Barn | tickets | Spring Green, WI

*poster design by DJ Fuego Heat in Durban, S Africa.

How to Circumnavigate the World for Free (if you are an Artist)

Hello. My name is Brett Newski, and I am a professional homeless person. If you're reading this you probably like to travel. Since 2010, I’ve made a living as a nomadic artist, working as a guitar teacher, voiceover artist, music composer, tech writer and touring songwriter. Places I’ve lived include Saigon, Vietnam, Cape Town, South Africa, Nashville, TN as well as Milwaukee, WI and Madison, WI. Below are tricks learned from being on the road incessantly the past eight years, and how to use your skills to circumnavigate the world for little or no money.

STEP 1: Develop your own “currency”?

You’re an artist. You have skills, aka “currency”. I don’t mean monetary amounts in USD, Euros or Vietnam Dong, I mean your own custom currency based on what you bring to the table as an artist. A musician can play live gigs. A visual artist might create paintings or sculptures. A travel writer creates blogs, essays or books. These skills can be compensated. The artist has something to offer beyond the average traveler. Your “currency” will get people to take interest in you and aid in world circumnavigation. Along the journey, you will be trading your currency for lodging, bus fares, train tickets, food and cash money. Here are some examples of “currency” based on type of artist…

• Musician: live gigs, guitar lessons, physical albums • Visual artist: photography, paintings, illustrations • Speaker: panels, presentations, stand up comedy • Writer: guest blogs, essays, books, etc

Once this is identified, there are a few key items to take on your journey…

1) “Business” card or “name card”: If you’re in a social setting. Always ask before handing someone a card. Busting it out in the first two minutes of convo comes off as douchy and opportunistic. Have a chat first, engage, then close with “we should keep in touch, do you have an email?” or “when you come thru Chicago, I’d be happy to point you in the right direction for rad places to see and eat. Shall I give you my email?” It’s always good to offer value & support to your new pal. Don’t refer to it as a “business card”. Use “name card”, “card” or simply say “may I give you my email?”.

2) Sticker: a nice little pocket item that doesn’t weigh you down. Many people will have a card, but a sticker is a sweet bonus item that most artists wont carry. DO NOT SKIMP of graphics, if you suck at Photoshop, hire a rad designer like this dude. The visual is THE critical hook when people decide if you’re a professional or a chump.

3) Rad web site: This is your “mothership”. DO NOT SKIMP ON THIS. Web Sites are cheap and easy these days. The site should be simple and sleek and have a nice high rez photo across the home page. Once my friend Dan remodeled my site in 2014, both traffic and album sales went up. Wordpress is a great platform with foreseeable longevity. Build it on that. Also feel free to email Dan to improve your site: http://www.nucleus.media/dan-o-stoffels/ (I don’t make commissions here). If you’re new to the game and lack content, simply create a single splash page or landing page with a quality photo or yourself or your art.

These three items are your digital base camp or fortress. Don’t leave without them.

STEP 2: Get Out of Town “If you’re all about the destination, take a fu***** flight” -Frank Turner. Book a flight. The United Mileage Plus card has been clutch for scoring me free international flights. I’ve used it for over six years and acquired over eight free flights overseas. When you sign up they give you loads of free miles. Note: I do not work for United nor do I receive commissions for writing this. With more airline competition than ever, there are several airline alliances (Star Alliance, Sky Team) that provide quality frequent flyer programs.

If you lack miles, always book out of the closet big airport. I live in Milwaukee and have saved thousands of dollars flying out of neighboring Chicago. Bus fares are typically cheap and drop you right at the major airports.

STEP 3: Find allies / Build a network Upon landing in a new city, you’ll need allies. Locals know more than you. Ask the hipster barista where the artists hang out. What’s the best music venue, art studio, coffee shop, non-bro bar? Research ahead of time. Do you have Facebook friends who can link you to their buddies in this foreign town? Enjoy the city, get lost, explore, but also have a purpose.

Creative Mornings is a rad site that connects creative people over coffee and lectures in cities all over the world. GO TO THESE if your schedule aligns. Ask people their stories and offer yours in return. Try to think of good ice-breaker questions other than “where you from?” or “where you traveling to next?”. Throw em’ a curve ball….

“Hey man, I love your sideburns. It reminds me of Kurt Russell in ‘3000 miles to Graceland”. Dumb lines like this can be very effective in starting a chat. Asking this question led to coffee with an established songwriter which led to an introduction to his entire music industry circle.

Don’t be afraid to reuse “ice breaker” questions if they work well. Avoiding talk about THE WEATHER will connect you with tons of like-minded creatives and you’ll soon have buddies from New York to London to Bangkok.

Apps like Meetup and Couchsurfing will serve you well, as they post geo-targeted events for almost every type of person. If you’re an artist traveling thru Berlin, attend “songwriter night at the Ramones Museum” or “photography showcase at Tido coffee”. And of course, always keep an eye on Facebook events. Have your name card and sticker on your person. BS with the curator of the event, buy em’ a beer or coffee and ask them about the city and “the scene”. They’re almost always happy to help.

While traveling in Berlin for the first time I stumbled upon the “Music Pool Berlin” Facebook group, a site dedicated to helping indie musicians. I messaged the organizer saying it was my first time in town and was looking for cool stuff to do. He sent me a list and invited me to a weird underground indie rock show, where I met two European bookings agents and numerous other Berliners who’ve provided lodging nearly every time I’m thru town. Legends.

STEP 4: Get a gig While staying at a hostel in Medellin, Columbia in 2010, I heard the owner was from Seattle. I told him I was a songwriter and “Ten” by Pearl Jam was the third album I ever owned. We got to chatting and he offered me a gig in exchange for two nights stay, a meal and three beers. Now it’s not retirement money, but pretty sweet for one hour of work. The gig also allowed me to meet everyone at the hostel, including a sketchy “tour guide” who took me to meet Pablo Escobar’s brother, Roberto, the next day. Roberto was arguably the second most famous cocaine-dealing criminal in the Escobar scheme. He showed us bullet holes in his walls from when thugs broke in and tried to kill him just months prior. (This led to a song called “Columbia is the Wrong Place to Lose Your Mind” which made over $1000 in sales in year one of its release, enough for a flight to Bangkok). These hostel gigs sometimes turn into residency offers, so you might find yourself living in Vietnam gigging for a bit. I’ve made anywhere from $20-$2500 for one gig.

If you’re just starting out, don’t be afraid to ask for bus fares or train money on top of a room and board deal. These folks will often kick in another $20-50 bucks on top. Playing a good live show will earn you a follow up gig with a better payday.

If you’re a visual artist or photographer, trade work for a dinner and a few nights stay. If you can develop a relationship with the hostel/shop/restaurant, they may allow you to hang your work and sell it in the shop. Some shops will buy it outright and others will take it on consignment. Certain venues/art houses offer residencies. Rozz Tox, is a vintage Midwestern music venue/cafe that offers lodging just for the artist to write and create everyday during the residency. Again, always offer to help out the shop owner next time they travel your region. They’ll be stoked if you can intro them to your friends/network. Odds are they love to travel.

Sites like Etsy and BigCartel allow you to keep an online shop. Updating your travel blog with road adventures will drive people to your online shop. If you have a stash of work back at home, have a friend ship your online sales and give them a small %.

Every city has a weekend market or art fair. Research if you can set up a booth and sell merchandise. Keep your site updated with your bizarre travels. People you meet will find their way to your site (if you’re friendly and your name card is rad). This can generate online sales while on the road. Face to face interactions are 100x more valuable than a Facebook chat or email interaction.

While traveling SE Asia, I wrote really stupid articles for a tech web site for $10 a pop. (I’m not even a tech writer) I was working one hour a day and pocketing $20, enough to live like a king in Vietnam, Thailand and Cambodia. Best part was: NO BOSS.

Guest blogs are also a great way for writers to get paid on the road. You don’t need to be making $350/article if you’re spending $5/day in Chiang Mai, Thailand. Think about strategic travel based on cost-of-living and exchange rate. Odds are you’re connected to someone in your hometown who knows the editor at the local blog/paper. The editor will love good travel content from their hometown lad/gal traveling overseas. South Africa, Poland, Thailand and Vietnam are mind-blowing countries with unreal value and cool people.

Once your portfolio grows and network increases, you’ll have more options for gigs. You can turn down crappy ones and charge more for good ones. The beginning can be tough and lonely sometimes, but these relationships will build over time. I HIGHLY RECOMMEND staying in a place more than 1-2 days. “Turbo travel” is emotionally draining and inefficient. 4-7 days is a proper short stay to get a lay of the land and make legitimate connections with people. If you can stay longer, do it. Stay calm, seeing 7 cities in ten days will only lead to anxiety and decreased productivity.

The first time I circumnavigated the world was an investment. The second time I broke even. The third time was a money-maker and every trip since the net income has increased. Remember it’s challenging at first, but stay in the game. It’s a long slow burn that yields a lifetime group of friends that will help you across the globe time and time again (return the favor for them). Whether your goals are to make money or simply cover travel costs, perseverance is key. As you plant more seeds and keep in touch with foreign friends/allies, there will be even more resources upon your return visit. Now book a flight ☺

---- Brett Newski is a nomad, a songman and co-founder of Crusty Adventures. *Feel free to drop a line at hello(at)brettnewski.com or see him on tour at www.brettnewski.com/tour

photos: Keziah Suskin, Sweet Chucky B, Newski

"Tangentially Speaking" with Chris Ryan features "Vs the World"

Recently, I've become healthily obsessed with this podcast by fellow nomad Christopher Ryan. Chris is an American author best known for co-authoring the book Sex at Dawn. He's made appearances on "The Joe Rogan Experience" and TED Talks. Chris hosts his own podcast called "Tangentially Speaking" which has garnered critical success and is now 176 episodes deep. This man is a master of finding the zen amidst the wobbly nature of a transient lifestyle, podcasting from South Africa to Thailand to Portland, and in good time, the Moon. Our tune "Vs the World" is featured on this episode with Zach Leary.

The theme of "Vs the World" snuggles right in the wheelhouse of Chris Ryan's Ethos. It's a song about going against the grain, being an underdog, and circumnavigating the world on your own steam.

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Find more on Christopher Ryan visit http://chrisryanphd.com/ Support his podcast via the "Tangentially Speaking" Amazon Portal

Anxiety Isn't All Bad, Happy Record Store Day

Anxiety gets a bad wrap. It's a crippling evil bastard that takes your brain hostage and runs on irrational fear. While anxiety totally blows in many instances, it also invites a sense of urgency which can be turned into forward progress and motivation. The highs are high. The lows are low. Fortunately, it's these polarizing feelings that lead to good art. The inner dialogue is a beast that must be defeated. That's why "save me from myself" is the most recycled lyric of all time. (note: "save me from myself" is not an actual lyric in the song). Enter "Cigaretiquette:" an "anti-anxiety" song about losing the zen just as quickly as you found it. It was filmed by Russell Grant in Durban, South Africa & Sweet Chucky B in Cedar Rapids, Iowa. South Africa is the first place I started touring & a big motivating factor in pursuing touring for a living. Extra thanks to my Durban pals and all the folks who've helped me along in South Africa.

In honor of record store day, here's a special on the Cigaretiquette 7" vinyl split with Blessed Feathers (AZ). Cheers to a happy and low-stress 2016.

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Health Hiatus | Brett Goes to Hospital

After seeing numerous doctors on days-off, we've decided it's best to cancel the upcoming six-show east coast run and recharge the health-o-meter. While I'm never one to cancel dates, these are dire times and I need to get fixed up.

We'll be back in full force on a new LP this fall and are completely amped. Fresh songs and new episodes of Crusty Adventures are being finalized as we speak. While my bitch-ass stomach is a setback, the off-time will fully recharge our morale, stamina and creative juices. Thank you for the understanding and support. Of course, if any of you have been thru chronic GERD, bloating and upper GI issues, ideas for remedies are soooo welcomed :)

Much respect, Brett

Help us name our American tourmobile

After a month off, The Danimal and I are back on the road. Morale has reached new heights in the wake of last weekend's back-to-back hometown shows in Madison and Milwaukee, followed by our infamous appearance on Des Moines' KCWI 23 morning news. Much respect to all our super buddies and allies for kicking this tour off properly. Iowa has been good to us this last week and tonight we team up with Kiernan McMullan and Carter Hulsey at Martyr's in Chicago. We're riding across the cuntry inside The Danimal's electric steed and per tradition, our tourmobile needs a name. We erected a list of names during our trek across Iowa, but welcome your ideas too. Pitch us your write-ins and we'll add them to the list below. The polls are open, the vote is on. Pick your top three favorites...

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Brett Newski on the KCWI 23 Great Day morning show Des Moines

Crusty Adventures #14 - Brett Ruins The News

We arrived in Des Moines at 7:30am for the KCWI 23 Great Day Sound Stage, only to be embarrassed beyond levels of which I can come back from... https://youtu.be/PWpfVVNT4-I

FULL VIDEO

We're excited to bring back Crusty Adventures as the US tour begins. Share the love if you're a fan and want to support. If not, feel free to send us some hate mail here

Much respect,

Brett & The Danimal

Why Shaquille O'neal Hates Me

My dreams have been shattered twice in my life. The first was the full disclosure of Santa Claus. The second was this…

LA, California, year 2000:

I was 13. We were on a family trip to Los Angeles to visit my Uncle Marcus. At the time, L.A. was home to 3-time NBA champion Shaquille O’neal. Like many kids, I thought Shaq was the coolest human on the planet. He was funny. He was tall. And obviously, he could ball. Shaq was 7’1’’. I wanted to be 7’1’’ someday.

My uncle’s girlfriend had recently been released from an administrative role with the L.A. Lakers. She still knew the security guard and was able to get us into the Laker’s practice facility parking lot before the team arrived.

We waited outside the doors with our pens and sports memorabilia like hungry puppies waiting to suck the sweet nectar from the teat of championship glory. It was just me and my little brother waiting for Shaq, our parents watching from a distance. Recently I’d watched all the subpar films starring Shaquille O’neal (Kazamm, Steel, Blue Chips). I even wasted $4 of my parents’ money by renting his video game “Shaq Fu” and another $12 on his rap album. I didn’t care if he sucked at rapping, or free throw shooting. Shaq could do no wrong in the eyes of my 13-year-old head. This was the day I would meet Shaq. Here I stood, on the stoop of destiny in Los Angeles, California.

Sure enough, all the players came rolling in with pimp Cadillacs and oversized SUV’s. They were all there; Rick Fox, known for his dashing good looks and marriage to actress Vanessa Williams. Horace Grant, known as a legendary role-player to Michael Jordan, and of course Kobe Bryant, known by some as being better than Michael Jordan. They were friendly, signing our Laker gear and posing for a picture. We met the entire team, minus Shaq. We couldn’t have missed him?

It was 7:59 a.m., just one minute before the start of practice. STILL NO SHAQ. Laker team policy stated that players would be fined if they showed up late (something like $3,000). It was now 8:00 a.m. Shaq was definitely getting fined if he didn’t show up with a medical excuse from a doctor.

As time passed, my little brother and I began to lose hope. As we walked to the exit gates, a humungous Cadillac Escalade came though the security entrance. We dashed back to the player entrance. THIS WAS IT.

The Cadillac door opened. It was not Shaq, but a short stocky man in a shiny leather jacket. He looked hard as nails.

“What is this?!” he shouted at the security guard, pissed that two kid superfans would be delaying his players entry. “They’re friends of the program”, replied the security guard, attempting to cover his own ass. Little kid NBA fans were not permitted on the premises.

Turns out this short man was Shaq’s body guard. Another dark silhouette lurked behind the passenger side tinted windows. The door clicked open.…Shaq emerged from the passenger side door in a grey jumpsuit similar to those sported by Vanilla Ice in 1990. I was star-struck and scared speechless. I feared Shaq would be pissed for showing up late and getting fined. And he was.

Kobe.

I remember trying not to pee a dribble in my pants as Shaq approached. He towered over us, casting a Godzilla-sized shadow on the parking lot. We were the only thing between him and the door. Shaq’s face was negate of smiles as his body guard bitched out security for letting us in. We shouldn’t be here.

I wanted to ask him questions, like why he let pop-star Aaron Carter beat him in a game of one-on-one. How many backboards has he shattered? Did he take kung fu in preparation for Shaq-Fu? I wanted to ask these things, but fear manhandled the muscles around my jaw. This was not the smiley, huggable Shaq of mainstream media. This was “Behind-the-Glory E Hollywood Story” Shaq. His giant yellow eyes peered into the bottom of my soul as my inner dialogue said over and over, “Shaq hates me.” We made him late for practice.

I died a little inside that day, leaving the Laker practice facility feeling gloom for days. I had convinced myself of ruining Shaq’s day and costing him further fines from the Laker franchise. But my 13-year-old heart would later learn to understand that my hero hadn’t let me down, he just hadn’t lived up to my expectations. There was truly a valuable lesson to be taken from this.

SET THE BAR LOW. An encounter with Shaquille O’neal had been hyped up in my mind for years. Not to mention a young mind tends to magnify the fantastical elements. The bar was simply set way too high, and that garners expectations. Expectations are usually synonymous with crappy things like stress, pressure, and let downs. People don’t go to a Bob Dylan concert expecting him to sound like he did on the old records. The show would have a greater probability of sucking. It sounds pessimistic, but it’s just realistic. People shouldn’t order the “Perfect Pushup” from an infomercial and expect to get a Fabio six-pack of abs. But they do.

From youth, we’re often told “Dream big, dream big. Follow your dreams.” While that’s said with good intentions, it’s the same stuff sold by motivational speakers exploiting mental weakness at three easy payments of $39.95.

“Dream small” is the way to go. It sounds lazy, but it’s just vigilant. Shaq didn’t shatter my dreams, I shattered my own humongous, fragile dreams. Shaq probably dreamed of walking into practice unbothered, swishing a few free throws and dunking in some fool’s face. That is a small dream, an unshatterable dream that led the man to great success.

I don’t want anyone’s dreams to be shattered for anything. DREAM SMALL. You can’t control the dreams in your sleep, but you can control the dreams when you’re awake. They’re powerful and shouldn’t be tampered with. A dream can get a naked Beyonce into your bed, but it can also put Dracula underneath it.

Dream small. Dream often.

"Don't Let the Bastards Get You Down" (vinyl or CD)

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FAILED HIPSTER shirt

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Americans Still Prefer YouPorn to Your Band, Studies Say: New EP Trailer

A friend/acquaintance of mine named Ezra Furman once explained to me the brutality of touring in America. Coining it as the "gauntlet", the US is a place where entertainment options are infinite and listener attention spans are at record lows. BUT it's the best time to be a music fan, a free-for-all rock buffet where Spotify is responsible for even more girth than General Tao's Chicken. For artists, it's us vs YouTube. Us vs the bar. Us vs Netflix. These are all seemingly undefeatable enemies, BUT if we hit the garage hard enough and practice, the live experience is irreplaceable. So cheers to you show-goers out there. When the rest of America stayed home and watched YouPorn, YOU came out to experience something REAL that cannot be replaced by any turbo 7G internet system. On behalf of touring bands everywhere, we are honored, humbled and thankful to you for keeping live music alive.

Hi-Fi D.I.Y. comes out Feb 19 in the US. We haven't toured the USA in over a year & are amped to see you guys. Much respect, Brett & Danimal

Crusty Adventures #13 - Around the World in 155 Days

After riding rickety trains across Sri Lanka, Brett & Danimal make it all the way to Australia, where they loiter in the slacker suburbs of Melbourne and plan for the US release of the "Hi-Fi DIY" EP. It's the home stretch of a 5 month world tour where they'll surpass their 930th show in Sydney.

A Personal Note

This has been a long adventure circling around the globe, with plenty of soaring highlights and some deflating moments. We hit it hard in Europe for three straight months–the longest consecutive tour I've ever endured. Sri Lanka brought some much needed decompression in paradise (maybe a little too much). Now the return to America is on the horizon while we soak up blazing heat of Australia. This will be the last episode of Crusty Adventures season 1 as we prepare to launch Hi-Fi DIY in the US and regroup for our second season over the next few weeks. Making these episodes has been loads of laughs and hours of work. We sincerely hope you enjoy watching them and sharing the adventures with us, while we plow across planet Earth. If you're a fan, feel free to share these Crusty Adventures.

Much Respect,

Brett & The Danimal

Crusty Adventures #12 - Brett gets his shoe signed by Chuck Ragan

Brett and the Danimal venture up to the Italian Alps and re-enact one of the most classic Hollywood scenes ever. Oscar-bound...